*Hidden* Burdens

s0780296_sc7You know those old-fashioned adding machines, with the little rolls of paper that churn out every number you enter in a big list.  Well I have these in my head, lots of these are thundering away in my head.  But instead of numbers they are the lists of things I need to remember.

There’s been lots on the social media (see links below) lately about this Hidden Burden carried by the organiser of the household/family and let’s be honest, that is usually the woman – sorry boys, but it is.

http://luckyorangepants.com/2017/09/19/i-am-the-keeper/

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

On top of our jobs, housework and childcare, this additional burden of lists/remembering/organising is silent and goes unnoticed by the rest of the household. And it’s quietly grinding us down.

Some (but definitely not all) of my lists are daily chores, things needed (e.g. new coat for my Complicated Boy), appointments (orthodontist, ballet shoe fitting), birthdays/Christmas (cards, presents, spreading the costs), long term goals, insurances/bills/bank accounts/savings, children’s homework/sports kit/uniforms etc etc.  You get what I mean – all the things that need to be remember and planned and organised and aimed for, are rolling around in my head, on lists of paper, on calendars and electronically.

All the endless little things that get done without anyone realising that they needed to get done.  All those endless little things that magically happen!

Did I burden myself with all these things?  I don’t know?  They just sort of became my job, because nobody else did them.  Why is it that women tend to take on these tasks?  Is it because we are usually the main child carer and houseworker? I really wish I knew why we do this to ourselves.

Well, anyway I am trying to push back with my household.  I am trying to make them look after their own lists.  It’s not working very well – but I am determined.

For example: I have asked Hubby to sort his own car out – insurance, services etc.  But whilst I was sitting in a little coffee shop in Italy (see previous blog).  I got the one and only contact from my husband the whole time I was away. “Who is my car insured with – I need to update it?”  I honestly looked at my phone in horror.  REALLY!?!?!?  I AM IN ITALY!!!?!?!?

Then I got another message from my Baby Girl – “Have I put money on the school lunch account?”  Well to be honest I had forgotten – it must have been on a list in my head that got squashed by all the other lists.  But notice that it was the other girl in the house that picked up the remembering.  It was an absolute pain to have to log on to the school and add money from my phone, whilst sitting in a corner of a museum I was currently visiting.

I couldn’t escape – even in Italy.

So, remember as you go about your business and you see those other Organisers (woman!) walking around – they may look a bit tired and frazzled – send them an understanding smile.  Realise that the lists are churning in their head as well and sometimes they can be drowning in it too.  Let’s not keep them hidden anymore. Let’s give the lists out and share the burden.  Well I can dream……

 

 

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I did something naughty

ItalyI did something really, really naughty…  I went on a mini holiday WITHOUT my Husband or Children.  I know you are shocked and completely disappointed with me.  How could I???  Dedicated mother and wife that I am – hahahahaha!

But oh my it was glorious!  I can’t explain how wonderful it was.  I am still reeling from it all.

You see… a wonderful friend of mine is turning a big number this year and instead of having a big party, she decided that she would like to go on lots of little breaks with her girlfriends.  She invited me to go to Italy with her and stay in her family’s apartment in Trieste.  And all I had to do was get a flight and some pasta/pizza money.  Love cheap airlines – I got a flight for £60.  4 days away in a foreign country for £60.  It’s just such a hard thing to grasp as an Australian – where everything is so far away and costs a fortune.

But the thing is, I would never have been able to have this wonderful adventure without having a new Babysitter.  My wonderful mother came up and cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed for me.  What a revelation – such an amazing thing and I am very, very grateful.  And surprisingly the children behaved!  Baby Girl didn’t go all drama queen once and that has to be a record – 4 days without slamming a door!

Anyway, my friend and I spent 2 days in Venice and 2 days in Trieste.  We just wandered and chatted and drank coffee and ate pastries and pasta and wandered and chatted and absorbed the wonderful gloriousness that is Italy.  We had lovely weather, we weren’t in a rush and had no real plans – just went where we fancied at the time.  We didn’t even rush in the mornings and had cups of tea in bed.  Shocking and decadent and glorious.

It was gorgeous only having to look after myself…  I liked it….I liked it a lot.

So, we are planning to do something next year for my big birthday – but shhh don’t tell Hubby or the kids.

Arising from the ashes of Self-Doubt

Ta Da!!!  I’m baaaaacccckkkk!!!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.  I just haven’t been in the position to pour my heart out to you.

20170911_193224This is me since January, in my dressing gown in the kitchen at my laptop.   Attractive – NOT!

As you know (see last post) I was doing a course on Social Media Management and I am pleased to tell you I passed – but it nearly killed me.

Not only was I exhausted and stressed but I must say I crumbled into a big pile of self-doubt, un-confidence and felt like a complete imposter.

What on earth was I thinking, that I could do this sort of job or start a new career or even be this creative. Was I delusional. I am a boring, middle aged, mother of two – where did I get off thinking I could be a hip young new media type person.

I have been in my little rut of a life, completely in control of every aspect of my day and my world for 14 years.  To suddenly throw myself into a new arena was very disconcerting.  I haven’t felt so down on myself since my 20’s – it was awful.

But…. I did it.  And I passed.  And I have clients.  And they like what I do.  And I do bloody well know my stuff!!!  I’m not an imposter.  I even have a business card – hahaha.

So, all my lovelies, I missed you and I’m back – a newer hipper little wobbly, but more confident than before – heading off on new adventures… join me…..