I am very happy within myself. I love my life and the people I share it with. And I do normally cherish all the little moments in life and try to teach my children to do the same. I do normally stop to smell the flowers…
But at the moment I am clawing my way through each day and I am wishing my life away. Every morning as the alarm is going off, my stomach starts clenching with panic. I am thinking “How am I going to get through everything today?” even before my eyes are open. I keep mumbling to myself under my breath – just gotta keep going, just gotta make it to August.
I am exhausted and stressed and panicky.
But please don’t worry about me, my lovely ones, I did it to myself and I am having the time of my life and I will make it to August. I will just be a slightly crazed version of myself.
What made me think I could add a study course on top of my already manic life? I don’t know, but I obviously thought I could do it. And I can, and I will.
It just means that my house is a complete tip. My kitchen cupboards are so bad, that I don’t even open them any more to put the shopping away, I just put everything on top of the cupboards. My bedroom is shrinking – I keep putting things on the floor that I am meaning to sort out and then never go back to it (plus the fact we have the new bathroom stored in there, whilst the tiling, plumbing and flooring is being done.)
I spend from 8.30 am to 12 pm at my laptop. But I truly am having the time of my life. Yes truly. I am loving everything I am learning and I am desperate to do really well and I want it all to be perfect. I have met the most lovely and amazing bunch of ladies in my study group and I am really, really inspired.
I am doing a Social Media Management course and it’s so exciting. The possibilities and the scope for my future are amazing. It’s combines my geekiness with my creativity. And it’s fun.
I just wish I didn’t have all the other stuff in my life – like cooking, cleaning (not much of that getting done), washing, children, husband – blah, blah, blah, on and on and on….
I want to go back to that girl at university, who had ALL THE TIME in the world, but flounced her way through, not going to lectures, doing “handwritten!!!!!” essays the night before, studying for exams on the way to the exam hall and I want to give her a big SLAP! Why did I throw away that opportunity to learn – well I didn’t really, I did really well, but I can’t say I was enthralled by the whole learning process.
Now what I would give for all that time, endless time to immerse myself into the learning. I want to be sequestered in the university library, with the WHOLE day ahead of me to learn. I want to eat Vegemite and Twisties sandwiches (an Australian thing!!!) and never ever cook.
So if you see me over the next few months, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me and please don’t ask me to do anything (you know I can’t say no). Just give me a hug and send me on my way. It will be okay and the future is bright…..