I am not stopping to smell the flowers…

I am very happy within myself.  I love my life and the people I share it with.  And I do normally cherish all the little moments in life and try to teach my children to do the same.  I do normally stop to smell the flowers…

But at the moment I am clawing my way through each day and I am wishing my life away. Every morning as the alarm is going off, my stomach starts clenching with panic. I am thinking “How am I going to get through everything today?” even before my eyes are open.  I keep mumbling to myself under my breath – just gotta keep going, just gotta make it to August.

I am exhausted and stressed and panicky.

But please don’t worry about me, my lovely ones, I did it to myself and I am having the time of my life and I will make it to August.  I will just be a slightly crazed version of myself.

What made me think I could add a study course on top of my already manic life?  I don’t know, but I obviously thought I could do it.  And I can, and I will.

It just means that my house is a complete tip.  My kitchen cupboards are so bad, that I don’t even open them any more to put the shopping away, I just put everything on top of the cupboards.  My bedroom is shrinking – I keep putting things on the floor that I am meaning to sort out and then never go back to it (plus the fact we have the new bathroom stored in there, whilst the tiling, plumbing and flooring is being done.)

I spend from 8.30 am to 12 pm at my laptop.  But I truly am having the time of my life.  Yes truly.  I am loving everything I am learning and I am desperate to do really well and I want it all to be perfect. I have met the most lovely and amazing bunch of ladies in my study group and I am really, really inspired.

I am doing a Social Media Management course and it’s so exciting.  The possibilities and the scope for my future are amazing.  It’s combines my geekiness with my creativity. And it’s fun.

I just wish I didn’t have all the other stuff in my life – like cooking, cleaning (not much of that getting done), washing, children, husband – blah, blah, blah, on and on and on….

I want to go back to that girl at university, who had ALL THE TIME in the world, but flounced her way through, not going to lectures, doing “handwritten!!!!!” essays the night before, studying for exams on the way to the exam hall and I want to give her a big SLAP! Why did I throw away that opportunity to learn – well I didn’t really, I did really well, but I can’t say I was enthralled by the whole learning process.

Now what I would give for all that time, endless time to immerse myself into the learning. I want to be sequestered in the university library, with the WHOLE day ahead of me to learn.  I want to eat Vegemite and Twisties sandwiches (an Australian thing!!!) and never ever cook.

So if you see me over the next few months, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me and please don’t ask me to do anything (you know I can’t say no). Just give me a hug and send me on my way.  It will be okay and the future is bright…..

 

 

Living with a PIG!

This was Baby Girl’s room last Wednesday.  The hamster had escaped. She was lying on the floor amongst her “stuff”, looking for it under the wardrobe (look closely it’s hard to see her.)  She was in bits, sobbing and make a huge fuss, as she couldn’t find the hamster for all the stuff!  Hubby eventually found it, next to the hamster food bag, with suspiciously large cheeks and a happy look on its face.

Baby Girl declared she needed to sort her stuff out, because it and everything in the world was “IMPOSSIBLE!”

The next day, she had a day off school because of teacher training.  I went to the shop, before she had even got up and bought her some boxes.  I even printed off some big labels.  I thought this might make it easier for her to clean her own room, because as I mentioned in a previous post, I have stopped doing it for her.  She wasn’t as excited about the boxes as I thought she should be (I love boxes, and this would have sent me into a frenzy of excitement!)

Off she went upstairs.  After about 20 minutes of banging sounds, she came downstairs and threw herself on the couch in full drama queen mode!  The arm was flung across her face and she was making whimpering noises.  “I just can’t do it – it’s too overwhelming!”

Sigh…..

So, I said, “Right you have my help for 1 hour.  Let’s go – now!”  I went upstairs and started ordering her about like a sergeant major.  I got her to find and collect all her t-shirts, then all her leggings, then all her jumpers etc. etc.  I neatly folded everything and put them in the correctly labelled boxes.  Once we had done that, the rest was easy.

And TA DA, it was neat and tidy.  It wouldn’t be how I would want to decorate my space, with open boxes of clothes, but this seemed to be the best solution.  

And this is how it is after 1 week – still tidy!!  I am in shock.  I keep checking that she hasn’t left stuff on the floor, but it seems to be working.  I asked her how it was going.  She states that she loves her boxes, as she can see everything and rifle through all her clothes. She says that it is easy to put stuff away, as she just flings it in the right box.

The moral of the story, if you live with a pig – give the pig some open labelled boxes. Don’t expect the stuff in the boxes to remain neatly folded (so don’t bother ironing anything), and don’t expect the room to look nice, but at least IT WON’T BE ON THE FLOOR!!!!

It really suxs being 11

Voiced by Baby Girl

So at the moment it really suxs being me.

The teachers at school are being so mean and making us do these awful tests. I know that they don’t really mean anything to me, as I will be tested straight away again when I get to Senior School in September. So why are they being so intense about them and why are they so mean.

They are making us learn really boring stuff like Modal Verbs and Subordinate Conjunctions and even mummy doesn’t know what they are and she has an English Literature Degree.

AND THAT’s all we are learning – stuff for the tests!  I love Art and we haven’t done that ALL year!

Plus, the teachers keep saying how it’s going to be harder in Senior School and there will be more homework in Senior School and we will get in big trouble if we behave wrong in Senior School – as if I am not scared enough about changing schools as it is.

Then all this stuff is happening with my body and things hurt and things are changing, so I am all embarrassed and it’s all just yuk.  Plus, sometimes I am really angry and sometimes I am really tired and sometimes I want to cry and it’s just awful.  And all the other girls are feeling like that too – so it doesn’t make it very fun in the playground if we are all emotional and don’t know why or what’s happening.

The whole friendship things suxs the big one too.  We are stuck in the same class with say 15 girls all day every day and we have to be BFFs (Best Friends Forever) and we are emotional and don’t understand.  It’s not like grownups who go to work and be polite to their workmates then go out and meet up with their real friends later.  We have to be BFFs and even mummy and daddy can’t spend 6 hours a day every day with each other without getting a little irritated.  Girls are so mean and complicated – it’s just awful.

Then I can’t decide what to wear – do I wear my cute little girl clothes that mummy wants me to wear or do I wear my comfy leggings with the hole in and the stained One D shirt or do I try to go grown up and trendy and wear short, short shorts and a midriff t-shirt.  So, I try everything on and they end up in a big pile on the floor of my room and then mummy yells at me and then I put them all in the wash and then mummy yells at me. It’s all so confusing.

OMG it’s all so intense – it really suxs being 11.