To be young and ill…….Remember when?

Remember when you were young and single…. remember when you were feeling poorly…. you would crawl out of bed and phone work and say you weren’t coming in that day and then you would crawl back into bed and go back to sleep.

Sigh…..

Remember when you got out of bed…nothing had happened.  Absolutely nothing had changed.

The house would be exactly as you left it when you went to bed.  No cupboards would have exploded their contents all over the kitchen. And no miscellaneous shoes, bags and crap would have appeared anywhere!

The washing pile may only have a few more PJ’s in and not have got so big it started walking itself down the stairs.

The fridge and cupboards would still have the food in it that was there before you were ill.  The junk food would still be there.

The dishes in the sink would maybe be a tea mug and a plate, that you used to have some toast. Not a pile so big that it rivalled the Himalayas.

Nobody would really even have noticed that you had disappeared for a bit to recover. Nobody would have needed you to drive them anywhere, or cook them dinner or do anything.  Everybody would have left you completely alone, they wouldn’t have talked at you incessantly through your pounding headache.

The house would have been silent, completely silent.  No TV, no Tablets blaring Youtube, no shoot’em up computer games.  Silent…very, very silent.

And the most amazing thing is that you would have fully recovered, because you had done the sensible thing that your body needed.  You had rested, totally rested. You would bounce back to normal because you were young, and your body had been given the blissful time it needed to heal.

Sigh….

I miss that…..

I could cry that I miss that so very much….

Are we alone?

Today I had lunch with the gorgeous ladies that I did my study course with.  We talked and talked and talked.

We dumped all our worries, complaints, moans, triumphs and highlights for each other to hear.

“Oh my, I am so glad you feel like that, I do too!”  “That happens to you too?  I thought I was the only one!”

It is such a wonderful thing to be able to share our load with each other.  We all feel so supported and understood and relieved.

I have other friends that I am able to do this with as well.  And I couldn’t survive without any of them.

We all scurry and hurry along in our life coping and stressing and doing and sorting out, and seemingly doing everything right as a woman, wife, mother etc etc.

It is only when we take time to get together and really be honest with each other, that we can help each other.  Sometimes things are crap – and we don’t need to be pitied and patted on the head with “Poor you!”  What we need is a hug and a cup of coffee and a bit of woman talking and love.

Sometimes we are struggling with our relationships with our children or partner – it doesn’t mean we want to give them to social services or get a divorce.  What we need is good old raucous bitch session with our friends.

We need to connect to realise that we are perfectly normal feeling like a failure and in fact we are not a failures.  We need to express things in a caring and safe place and know we won’t be judged.  Otherwise I don’t think we can survive this mad hectic life that is womanhood.

So if someone asks you to have coffee with them – make time.  If you can organise to have a girly lunch – do it.  We need each other and we need to be honest with each other.  Because we are all just winging it and trying our best and feeling crap sometimes and feeling a failure sometimes – but do you know what…actually we are doing okay and we are nice people and it will alright in the end.

Love you ladies xxx

 

*Hidden* Changes

In my young single days, I was probably a bit of a butterfly – flitting from country to country, job to job and relationship to relationship.

Then…..

I got married and had kids.

I reverted back to a cocoon – the cocoon that is motherhood.  It’s a very insular world, smothered in nappy bags, school bags and plastic toys  The pretty butterfly clothes were put away and replaced with comfortable clothes that were able to withstand baby vomit, sticky hands and playdoh.

As the children got older and became more independent, I started see the light at the end of the cocoon tunnel.  The children still needed me, but not in that all-consuming way.

I realised that my time in the cocoon was coming to an end and I could emerge again – maybe not as a pretty butterfly – maybe more as a battered moth, blinking at the light.

But I have also realised that during my time in the cocoon I have changed in other ways. I have survived 2 small children and they are still alive, healthy and not too messed up.  I have learnt to deal with so many different things on my own, under pressure and with no rule books.

I think I have come out of my cocoon, more independent and more sure of my self-worth.  I have added to my CV – time management, prioritising, working under pressure, conflict resolution, learning on the go, and working independently.

There has also been a change in what I want to do with my time. I want to learn, to grow and develop.  I want to do interesting and creative things – I want to fly.

Hubby is all a bit bemused by all this.  You see although he is a great dad – he wasn’t in that cocoon with me. He was just plodding along beside, not changing much, and he hasn’t had that life changing light at the end of the tunnel moment.  He’s just got a bit older – bless him.

So those of you reading this with young children – have hope.  And those of you in my position – join me…let’s put our butterfly clothes back on and take over the world!!