Bogged Down..

Sorry…

Haven’t written for ages.

No real excuse.  I have just been bogged down in the mundanity of life as a working mother.

The endless piles of washing, drying, ironing, putting away, finding more dirty clothes strewn on the floor and therefore starting again.

The daily planning of meals, shopping for food, putting away of food, the cooking of food and the constant sound of complaining about what food was cooked.  Why do they have to eat EVERYDAY???

The ceaseless emptying of the dishwasher, only to walk into the living room and find cups and plates everywhere, to go back and fill the dishwasher and start the whole process AGAIN.

Cleaning the floor – then to have everyone walk in with wet, snowy, muddy shoes AND STAND ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR RUG!  And then look surprised when I YELL at them.

So I haven’t been inspired to write anything uplifting or positive or mind blowing.  Winter in a small half finished house – is just messy, dull and endless.

Hubby has put up some cabinets in the bathroom.  They are very nice and he did a good job.  And we all thanked him profusely and congratulated him on a job well done.  He beamed at the praise.

 

I don’t get that feeling.  That feeling of totally completing a job and knowing that it’s finished forever.  My jobs are never ending, eternal, perpetual, without end. I never get that smug sense of satisfaction, because I know I will just have to start all over again the next day, doing all the same things, yelling all the same things. And nobody particularly notices I have done anything and nobody congratulates me on a job well done.

Ah the mundanity of it all…..

Leading by example?

We teach our children by telling them what and how to do things.  But we also teach them by our example.

 

The only problem in a dual adult household is that there are x2 examples.

They may differ.

One adult may walk into the house, take off muddy shoes, clean muddy shoes, put shoes in wardrobe, hang up coat in coat closet, put bag in secure tidy place, unpack shopping to appropriate places.  One adult may walk into house, all the way in, with muddy shoes and take them off and put them in the middle of the floor on the rug, then leave coat flung over sofa, dump bag in middle of the coffee table and place shopping heaped on kitchen counters.

One adult may eat 3 x nutritious meals a day.  One adult may buy lots of crap food and snack on crap food all day – usually on the sofa with no plate, spreading crumbs and empty packets everywhere.

One adult may have a quick and efficient bath, hanging up towels neatly, wiping any splashed water up.  One adult may wallow in the bath for an hour, leave dirty clothes on floor and wet towel crammed in towel rack with no chance of drying.

One adult may place plates, cups, saucepans etc straight into dishwasher after use and wipe kitchen counters if any mess was made.  One adult may leave cups, plates all over the house and put saucepans into the sink filled with water to “magically” soak and has never wiped a kitchen counter or breadboard EVER.

One adult may tackle tasks as soon as possible and organise time to achieve things promptly and efficiently.  One adult may leave things to the last minute, resulting in a mad scramble panic, and is always late.

One adult may get very frustrated at the other adult and ask nicely once and then start screeching like a banshee.  One adult may then grin like a naughty child and think it’s funny.

As a couple this may not seem a huge problem, as people are different, and the point of a relationship is compromise and acceptance of others.

But as a parent it is very painful.  Especially when one child calmly responds to any requests…

“Well that’s what Daddy does!  So why can’t I?”

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friendship Lessons

Every afternoon as soon as she gets in the car after school, Baby Girl starts talking, nonstop, excitedly.  She tells me everything that anyone has said that day (the kids obviously, not the adults, they don’t count and aren’t important).  She then discusses what they meant by saying such and such and how that made her feel and where that person is in the pecking order of the social structure and why the other person said what they did and how it impacted her world.

It’s all so very, very intricate and messy.  Complicated Boy and I sit in silence until it ends.  If we try to offer an opinion or help, we are told that we “Just don’t understand!”.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s happy and doing well and has lots of friends and revels in all the nuances and details.  But me oh my it would make me so very confused and tired.

I have tried to think back to my school days and I don’t remember it being that complicated.  I can remember the “In” crowd and popular people and the different groups and gossip.  But I don’t remember the confusing details of the actual friendships.

As you get older I think you do forget how hard it all was, and you learn how to operate in circles of people to ensure a friendly atmosphere.  You draw around you the people you really like and let go of the people that you don’t.

So, I think that there should be lessons, especially for girls, on friendship.

1.  If you think someone is nice, go and talk to them, be nice and friendly and invite them for a sleep over.
2. If you think someone is nice, but not really your cup of tea, talk to them and be nice and friendly, but don’t invite them over for a sleep over.
3. If you think someone is not nice and not your cup of tea, still talk to them if approached and be nice and polite, but definitely don’t invite them for a sleep over.
4. When you are with your friends – ask about them and things that are important to them.  If they are good friends they will eventually ask about you, enabling you to talk about yourself.  Don’t go in straight away making it all about you.
5. When you are with your friends – don’t talk nastily about other people.  You may think they will keep your confidence, but they won’t.  In fact, if you can’t say something nice about somebody, don’t say anything at all.
6. If you are in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable and you know is wrong, walk away. Have a code that you can text your parents, so they will give you an excuse to go and to come and pick you up.
7. When you are growing up, you are developing your own style and personality.  Big lesson – it doesn’t have to be like everyone else, you can be different, you can be yourself AND in fact it is better to be different. Don’t be beige and the same as everyone else.
8. If someone says something to you – take it at face value.  Don’t read anything in to it.  Don’t make it more complicated than it is.  Because it usually isn’t complicated, most people do actually mean exactly what they say.
9. And finally, don’t stop telling mummy everything, she may “not understand!” but she is listening, worrying and hopefully being helpful and supportive.

Good luck Baby Girl… I hope you come out of this with some wonderful, wonderful friends and a confidence and happiness to get you through life.

*Hidden* Pain

My Baby Girl has been getting tummy pains.  It usually coincides with a pimple breakout and an irritable mood.

She feels dreadful and doesn’t understand why I am not really sympathetic.  She hasn’t entered the full **joy** that is womanhood, but she is definitely on the way.

I should be sympathetic.  I really should.  It’s awful to feel like that every month.

But we are taught that it’s just part of life and being a woman and we just have to get on with it.  We don’t even really take anything for it.  We may get the hot water bottle out and curl up on the couch, if we have time, but we don’t go to the doctor or anything.

We don’t stop doing anything and we don’t usually mention it.  We just live with it.

But did you know that it has now been shown that the period pain can be as bad as a heart attack.  EVERY MONTH…..and we just get on with it, with a hot water bottle….EVERY MONTH.

I read this article about the new findings and I did shed a tear for my Baby Girl as she embarks on her journey and felt thankful that I am hopefully ending mine.

Please read it…it says so much.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/period-pain-is-officially-as-bad-as-a-heart-attack-so-why-have-doctors-ignored-it-the-answer-is-a6883831.html

What really startled me is the lack of research that has gone into alleviating the pain. And what is more frightening, is the lack of anyone really caring enough about the pain to do anything about it.

It is also a little our own fault.  We don’t sympathise with each other, we don’t sympathise with ourselves and we don’t demand help from anyone.

We just get on.  We shouldn’t.