I got up early this morning to do a couple of hours work, so I could sneak out for a coffee with a lovely, lovely friend. Just divine and worth the early alarm clock.
She is one of those friends that you can talk to about all those silly little problems and worries, and she understands and shares her problems and worries. I don’t know what I would do without her. I always feel at one with the world afterwards, even if a bit jittery from all the coffee.
Sometimes talking about things, helps underline just exactly what is wrong and what needs to be done.
We were talking about our youngest children, both girls, both second children and both “I want…..” sort of children. I find this really difficult, the constant need of things, events, play dates, sleepovers, attention…. needy, needy, needy.
I have tried to understand – she is a younger sibling that has to fight for attention. Also because of the extra attention we have had to pay to our complicated little boy, she may feel that she needs more from me. Or just because she is a girl and just because she is who she is.
But it also really worries me. I am concerned that she is never happy with what she has, where she is or who she is with. She is constantly looking ahead and gets disappointed too quickly. I don’t want her to land in adulthood and discover that she will not get everything she wants – and then be permanently miserable and disappointed. Or I don’t want her to look for relationships that she thinks will give her all she wants – instead of making it happen herself.
Should I be worrying about this when she is only 10? Well no, but I am just a worry wort and her constant needing is driving me nuts. I think being happy in the moment and with the small things in life is an important life skill and I think I need to help her learn that now – so it can be just a part of her normal day to day life.
I also think that she needs a bit of mummy time every day, just a bit of attention that does not involve me saying “NO” constantly.
So I bought her a notebook today and it’s called Holly’s Happy Book. Every day I am going to write something about her that made me proud, happy etc. And then I am going to get her to write something that was good about her day. And then we are going to sit down, just for 10 minutes and talk about it.
We did our first page today and I think she can see my point, because I saw her go to say something that sounded like “I want….” and she promptly clamped her hand over her mouth.
Will it work? – I don’t know…but I will keep you posted…. I am determined to make her happy in the today, because she is driving me nuts in my today 🙂