Dear Husband, I Am Going To Bed Early Because…..

1. I am Tired

Yes really, can barely lift my feet as I walk, gritty, stingy eyes tired.  12 years of cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, gardening, food shopping, driving people around, picking up other people’s stuff and putting away other people’s stuff, – oh and working, running your business, handling all the finances, managing the ripping apart and putting together of our house – does make me a tad tired, especially when I usually do all above every day.

But I do love you very much.

2. I have a headache

Yes really. I have a headache so bad I think my head is going to explode.  I have even been to the doctors about it.  Apparently a lady of my age can be experiencing, on any given day, 3 x the normal amount of hormones OR no hormones at all.  The no hormone bit apparently sends the body into withdrawal – similar to coming off heroin, according to the doctor.  So headaches are normal and no, paracetamol doesn’t work, because it’s a hormonal headache not a normal one, but apparently we get used to them and they go away eventually.

But I do love you and you are my soul mate.

3. I don’t feel very attractive

I haven’t had my hair done in ages, my fringe is reaching the end of my nose and the strands of glitter coming through my hair keep scaring me as I pass the mirror.  I am covered in builders’ grit and grime – even after I have had a bath.  It’s winter and our house isn’t the warmest at the moment,  so I don’t feel the sexiest in my thermal underwear.

But I do love you, you are my best friend.

4. I need to be alone

All day I have people talking and asking me things and that includes you, and the builders and the children, all day, constantly, very, very loudly.  I just need to go somewhere very quiet and very dark, all by myself and not have to do, say, answer or be anything.

But I do love you and yes, you are still very handsome.

5. I am ill

You know that man flu you get, well surprise, surprise I get it too, but I don’t have the option to go back to bed and stop doing all the stuff I do. Or when I was at the back end of the very big mattress that we carted up to the top of the house and my back just isn’t what it was. Or I’m bloated, swollen and crampy and want to yell at everyone.

But I do love you – you are my life.

6. I need to feel a bit loved

Yes, I know you are driven by the complete physical, but after all day of washing underpants, cleaning up crumbs from the sandwiches you have made or getting a chorus of complaints and whines because the dinner I cooked wasn’t to everyone’s liking, has made me feel a bit taken for granted and uncared for.

But I do love you – truly, madly and deeply

7. You have pissed me off

17 years I have asked you not to put your dirty, muddy work boots in the middle of the lounge room floor. 17 years, not an odd request either, especially not on the rug.

SO I really don’t like you and the straw has broken the camel’s back and I am going to bed – NOW, ALONE!

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