By Myself

bedroomThis was my bedroom and will be my bedroom.  At the moment we sleep on a mattress in the living room.

I was prepared for all the dust and rubble that the building works would create.  And I have been proud of my calmness in regards to it all. I just try and keep everything as tidy as I can, and I do a big hoover and dust every weekend.  It’s not totally clean, but it’s manageable.

The builders have tried their best to be as quick as they could, as tidy as they could and as undisruptive as they could.  They even make ME tea!!

The kids have been sharing a bedroom and they have been really, really good.  In fact I think they are enjoying it. All though their room does resemble a hoarders hovel – I hate to think what is hidden under the piles of clothes, toys and bedclothes – but I am ignoring that for now.

The fact that we haven’t had a roof for most of the winter has also been okay!  This will surprise most people, as I am notoriously always cold. But I am able to block off downstairs and at least keep that warm.  And if it gets bad I just sit at my computer in my coat and fingerless gloves.

The money side of it has been very, very, very stressful, as the bank was a bit nasty – but I will go into detail about that in another post, when I am not so traumatised. And we have come through that now, so I am calm.

The most surprising thing I have found about our house been pulled apart is….I never get to be by myself.  It never crossed my mind to worry about that and I worry about EVERYTHING.

So we all get up in the morning, the usually chaos of getting everyone ready and out the door and then the builders arrive.  All day long the builders are in and out and asking me questions and making noise.  I used to spend all day totally alone in pure silence. Then as the builders leave for the day, the kids and hubby come back home.

I think to myself, I will just go and have a warm, quiet bath. Knock, knock “Mum, where is that shirt I left crumpled up on the floors 2 days ago?” Knock, Knock “Fiona, have you seen those drawings for the new job we are doing?” Knock, Knock “Mum, I need the toilet”.

So then I go downstairs, clean but definitely not calm and at peace.  The kids are jumping up and down on my bed.  I shoo them away, brush the grit, grime and biscuit crumbs from my bedsheets and try to read my book, peacefully and calmly.

Hubby has all the lights on and the TV blaring and his choice of shows hurt my head – if the show is about silly, bad, sad people doing silly, bad and sad things and involves the police and car chases – he watches it.  Or fishing…

I panic and want to run away to a quiet place….but there is nowhere to go.

ONE MORE WEEK and the builders are leaving.  I am going up into that room.  It will have no heating, no lighting, no walls, no carpet, BUT I will be able to be ALONE!  Please let me last that long………


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