She can’t be mine!!!!!

babygirlHas anyone lost a child?  Because I am sure this one is not mine.

She sort of looks like me – same thin, flyaway mousy brown hair and sticky out teeth.

But this child has the extraordinary ability to walk past a cupboard or set of drawers and make them explode – violently.  She can also just look at a table top or kitchen counter and it’s miraculously covered in chaos.

When I ask this child to clean up her mess, she looks at me in wonderment and says “What mess?”

I am positive this is not my child.

And she is sooo loud, all the time, from the moment her eyes open till the moment she collapses.  Not just from the decibels of her giggling, laughing, talking, screaming and yelling, but from the TV, the computer and the tablet that are all on with different things very loudly at the same time.

Definitely not my child – I prefer pure silence.  Come to think of it, maybe I prefer silence, in reaction to this loud human being, hmmm maybe.

Her dress sense is a tad eye watering. I am not known for wearing “normal” middle aged woman clothes, but at least I can colour coordinate.  I am sure it will come together one day, but at the moment I feel like putting a sign on her back saying “She dressed herself!”

She is very, very confident and independent and is very insistent that everything goes her way, all the time. I am fighting this battle, but the boys in the house seem to let her get away with murder.  Which actually might be a useful skill when she is older, hmmm maybe a good thing, but drives me nuts.

She wants stuff all the time, constantly, especially if it involves sugar or is plastic useless tat!  This I find very difficult to deal with.  If I let her she will eat garbage all day, constantly grazing and searching in cupboards.  In reaction we have very little stuff she classes as edible in the cupboards and I have set certain times she is allowed to eat.  Sometimes I see her sitting watching the clock in the kitchen waiting for the time to tick by. I am also trying to teach her the value of shopping around, secondhand and budgeting – which she finds boring, but I am insistent and will slog away.

She lies – beautifully.  It’s a bit scary.  I am able to pick the lies up, as they are just a bit too fantastic, but there will come a day when she lies to me with that perfectly straight face and I will have no idea.  I just hope that all the lessons I am hammering into her will have kicked in and that anything she lies about will not be harmful to her.  It does make her a wonderful storyteller though, which makes her more like me than I thought – although my stories are dramatised truth, hers are just fantasy.

Maybe I am a little bit jealous of this volatile child.  She is so strong and so confident and so vivacious.  I really do feel that when she figures it all out, she will be totally in charge of her life.  I don’t worry about her future as I do my complicated boy – I am sure this girl will conquer her world and giggle and laugh loudly whilst she is doing it.


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